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Random Chuck Norris Facts

November 9, 2005

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Random Chuck Norris Facts — Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

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  1. chuck norris counted to infinity… twice

    chuck norris once built a time machine to go back and stop the JFK shooting… when Oswald shot Chuck deflected all 3 bullets with his beard… JFK’s head them exploded from sheer amazement

  2. Chuck Norris killed 37 people… with one round house kick.

  3. Chuck Norris one time had a urine sample taken, and on that day the first nuclear war head was ever seen by man

  4. one time in a diner, some guy dropped a spoon and chuck norris gave roundhouse kicks to the faces of the whole town because of it. this maneuver is widely known as “the roundhouse massacre”

  5. one time the cash register guy at mcdonalds said to chuck norris “would you like fries with that?”, chuck norris then roundhouse kicked him in the face and said “would you like fries with that, bitch?”

  6. one time chuck norris challenged god to a martial arts competition. chuck just looked at him and god started crying. chuck got the gold.

  7. Chuck Norris doesn’t use toilet paper…toilet paper uses Chuck Norris.

  8. Nice Quotes…I thought I might suggest one. If you don’t like it I really don’t care…;) YOU MAY THINK ITS INAPPROPIATE AND RATHER CHILDLIKE. But please read it.

    “Chuck Norris was in the olympics once for pole vaulting. He knew he could easily beat his opponents but for a challenge, jumped the height without using a pole. How is this humanly possible? Chuck Norris used his dick and placed first winning a gold medal.”

  9. chuck norris is my mother… bitches

  10. I KILLED CHUCK NORRIS…TWICE

  11. the true reason for the big bang theory is chuck norris roundhouse kicked matter in all directions, then wrote his version of the bible, and roundhousekicked it at gods head.

  12. chuck norris gets jelous of himself wen he sees his own reflection

  13. Chuck Norris does not sleep… he waits.
    Chuck Norris can touch McHammer

  14. Chuck Norris once had death coming after him. Chuck Roundhouse Kicked the shit out of the reaper, and ever since, No one has actually seen the reaper, just chuck norris.

  15. according to Einsteins theory of reality chuck norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
    chuck norris isnt hung like a horse, horses are hung like chuck norris.
    chuck norris went to burger king and ordered a big mac…and got one.
    Chuck Norris once juggled a soccer ball 2,357 times… with just his penis.
    Chuck Norris and his penis are allowed to run as a team in the three-legged man race at the state fair.

  16. Steroids are actually just a myth. What the world doesn’t know is that what they’re really injecting is a little bit of Chuck Norris’ semen.

  17. why is chuck norris always roundhouse kicking ppl in the face?

  18. when chuck norris falls in water chuck norris doesnt get wet the water gets chuck norris

  19. Chuck responds to “random facts” on his site.

  20. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding

  21. Chuck Norris once filled in for Carlton on the Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air for three episodes…….nobody noticed.

  22. Chuck Corris dosent get stung by a bee….bee’s get Chuck Norrised

  23. Chuck Norris lost his virginaty before his father!

  24. Chuck Norris….enough said! Come visit Chuck Norris’ penis where all things are possible!

  25. Valentine’s Day was made possible by Chuck Norris…He roundhouse kicked everyone in the face and they fell in love

  26. Chuck Norris’ nose is as big as his penis so he can sniff out danger.

  27. there were actually 4 wise men, Chuck was the 4th and on Jesus’ birthday he gave baby Jesus the gift of beard which he wore to the day of his death. This made the other 3 wise men jelous so they removed Chuck from the bible……soon after they all died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

    Chuck Noriss can believe it’s not butter

  28. Chuck Norris doesnt get wet…. water gets Chuck Norrised

  29. Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer…too bad he never cries…

  30. Chuck Norris – He sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and his unmatched martial arts abilities. Moments later Chuck Norris delivered a devestating roundhouse kick to the devils face and retreived his soul. Because the devil appreciates irony the devil did not stay mad and now they play pocker on the third of every month

  31. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he doesn’t push himself up… he pushes the earth down.

    Chuck Norris recently decided to sell his own urine… he named it Red Bull.

    El Nino was really the displaced air from a roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris.

  32. Chuck Norris is God’s eleventh commandment.

  33. chuck norris is the only man who can punch someone in the back of the face

  34. the true bible ending -chuck norris

    while jesus was being nailed to the cross chuck norris jumped over the hills with a pair of u.z.i’s and blew the sh!t out of the romans hte then threw jesus a katana and in slo-mo ran over the hills jesus wit a katana and chuck norris wiht a u.z.i running towards the romans blowing and slicin the sh!t out of them!

  35. Chuck norris is always on top during sex because chuck norris never f**ks up

  36. chuck norris once ate 4 turtles and later sh!t them out….but when he sh!t them out the were 6 feet tall and had super karatepowers……we know now these guys as the teenage mutant ninja turtles

  37. on chuck norris’s birthday he randomly selects one random child to toss into the sun

  38. ckuck norris doesnt walk … he run’s

  39. It took over 7 hours and 3 skill-saws to circumcise Chuck Norris. An umbrella was made from what was cut off.

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You are reading “Random Chuck Norris Facts”, an entry originally published on Wednesday, November 9, 2005 at 12:01 pm and filed under Elsewhere.

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